29th of January 2016
…Baby don’t hurt me… Haha. No. It has nothing to do with the song. I’m actually listening to some Spanish music right now.
I had a great evening with my roomates yesterday. Which made me realize that maybe I don’t really want to move after all. It was also the first time in a long time that I had time to just sit and talk, without being pressured by time. No homework, no going to work. Just a glass of wine and a nice conversation. In the kitchen. It reminded me of my kitchen in Romania. Iris can confirm that it is a corner of heaven that place.
What do girls talk about when they talk? Boys. Of course. It took us about 10 minutes to talk about jobs, to catch up with our professional lives. Haha. And then boys. Now, I’m not going to go into the details of our conversation, not to disclose any details about our love lives. But it got me thinking.
We always get what we want. We all agreed on that. But what is it that we want? What is it that I want? I wouldn’t say I’m not happy with my love life. I would, actually. But it wouldn’t be true. I had two great experiences since I moved to Copenhagen. Because, of course, life divides in before and after Copenhagen. Haha.
To some extent, I had exactly what I wanted, when I wanted. My problem is that I’m not sure I wanted what I really want. Does it make sense? I wanted to feel adored. I had that, it was amazing for exactly 5 minutes. After which I took it for granted. It bored me. It was easy and comfortable. But I wasn’t happy. Then I wanted excitement. Lust. And a person I can respect. I had that as well. But I wasn’t adored any more. And again, I wasn’t happy. Now, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the experiences. Both of them.
Now what? It’s a good time to search for a new experience. But what? Yes, yes, the answer is in the balance. That’s what they say. And I agree, in principle. But is that for me? Is it something that would make me happy? I’ve always liked extremes. I can fall in and out of love in an instance. Do I just want to be in love? Do I want stability? To be honest, for me this are opposites.
So now what? I have my dream job. I have great friends. I time for a social life. Even for a relationship. But do I want it? And if I want it, how should it be? I have no idea. And if you don’t know what you want, you’re only gonna get random experiences that won’t make you happy. Know what you want. Sure. But how? Make a list? A list of feelings you want to experience? That might be it. Still, I don’t know. Maybe I just need some time to figure it out.
What is love? Is it that excitement when you fall in love? Is it that feeling that the years will pass and you will fall out of love, but you will have a feeling of “I want that person to be happy. Not with me, but just happy”? Is it the daily routine of feeling comfortable with a person? I guess that if I figure that out, I’ll know what I want.
Until then, I’m gonna finish my wine and dress up for the party.